Q’s, M’s, & N’s

Posted on June 6, 2022Comments Off on Q’s, M’s, & N’s

Something that is often addressed and discussed throughout life coaching and counseling relationships is the client’s core beliefs. What we hold as core beliefs are not only our life’s anchors, but will often create insight into behaviors, self-talk, boundaries, communication, decision making, relationships, motivations, how we navigate crisis and the unexpected and how we engage, respond and react to life around us. And though some might think core beliefs are ingrained and stable throughout life, I’d like to challenge that by saying our core beliefs can be evaluated, cultivated, trained, and even unlearned and replaced with healthier ones. Hence, why it’s often a conversation in any type of mental health relationship.

That said, outside of specific work with a professional’s prompting, I’m curious do we stop long enough to qualify and quantify what we actually hold as core beliefs? Do we consider WHERE they come from? Is what we are reflecting TRUE to what we hold as true? Do we even KNOW what we WANT to hold as true? I think, based on my experience in this work for so long, that these are significantly important questions that are absolutely worth our time and energy, if only we’d take the time and give the energy.

The Minutiae Matters

Last week, I posted a YouTube vlog discussing the importance of slowing down and getting into the minutiae. I likened it to my volleyball coaching experience…how I can have the best team strategy in the world and have the best big-picture goals ever, but if I don’t pay attention to the little things, each skill, each athlete, each attitude, each unique contributor to the whole, the team will fall short. Not to mention coaching the things that matter OFF the court, as well. And not only is this a prime example to help describe how the minutiae matters, but also because so often in team sports or other collective activities, core beliefs, in and of themselves, are developed, honed and practiced simply via participation. 

The purpose in starting there last week is simply that the first part of digging into core beliefs is being able, willing, and valuing the little things; seeing the big picture as a collection of the details. And, as I’ve observed much throughout my life, I’m pretty sure that our time is not spent on “the minor details” because typically the slow-down, the details, the nitty-gritty get a bad rap. Turns out, both the big picture AND the minutiae matter, so, let’s dig in this month. Each week I’ll offer some things to consider giving you a taste of Core Belief Work. From last week, I simply encourage you to reflect on where and how you can create space in your life to do some Core Belief Work. This week, I’m discussing where our core beliefs come from as that, too, is an essential element in the process. 

Nature, Nurture, and What’s Next

What we hold true, our core beliefs, come from two places. One, our life experiences have much to say about this – our upbringing and our conditioning throughout our development; both observed and absorbed behaviors; our instincts, impulses, familiar habits; our life story…these tend to be more ‘passive’ in nature. And two, core beliefs come from challenging the existing ones, changing them, evaluating and adjusting them, learning through life lessons, applying new perspectives…this, an ‘active’ nurturing of sorts.

This in mind, in the space you’ve created, consider the first of those two places. Think about and write down your thoughts on your upbringing, your development, your conditioning. What stands out to you? Ask yourself: What are my habits? What are my knee-jerk reactions? What are behaviors that I do without even thinking about them? Who had early influence on me? What do I like about my story? What hardships have I encountered? You don’t have to do anything yet with these answers, simply asking and answering them is a great start (and writing them down is a bonus…cuz we always think we’ll remember, but life is too full…). Next week, we’ll go a step further.