I feel so disconnected today…my head from my body, my heart from my head, my gut from my heart…ugh. I’m foggy headed. I am struggling to put any two thoughts together to make any one make sense. I am having a hard time with focus, both my eyes and my attention. My legs feel restless but I am so very blahhhhhhhh.
Thankfully not every day is like this, so I’ll hope it is short-lived, but it does make me wonder what the root issue is here. Depression? Despondence? Fatigue? Anniversary Syndrome? There are days I feel like I have it all together (within the constraints of my cancer-compromised self, of course) and then there are days like today where I feel fuzzy, every nerve at attention and yet so very dull.
Nonetheless, I’ll call it what it is—a v e r y strange void…
This Day in 2018:
Distant
I have found myself distant today – I don’t know where I’ve been or what my inner monologue has been, either. I do know I’ve cried there, though.
And physically, I haven’t felt well all day.
Maybe clarity will come tomorrow. And feeling well.
This Day in 2019:
Tan Lines and Bug Bites and a Prayer
Lounge chair napping, dock running, boat riding, bird watching, card playing, bon firing, off-the-gridding…
Tan lines and bug bites…
Nostalgia and new memory making…
This trip has been incredible.
Today we went to church with my husband’s grandfather. This man is a 95 year old Michigan native who is well known is his community and we got to enjoy tagging along with him all morning. During the service, when the pastor offered up prayers for those afflicted with illness, this sweet man grabbed my hand and held it tight. Tears ran down my cheeks as I was humbled by his love for me and his hope for my life. It was a silent but powerful message…and a moment forever seared into my soul.
Despite the extreme pain and the constant hot flashing and the frustrating nausea and the intense grief of cancer, I have so much to be grateful for.
No Post for 8/4/20