The pendulum swings. . .
I was pleased and at peace a while ago. Traveling home from a great trip. Hearing my daughter talk about her experience at her college visit and how thrilled she was with how it went. Listening to the excitement in her voice as she talked about her future. Relieved to have that really really hard thing behind us, relieved to have new information, relieved to have less unknown. And then we got home. Happy to see our kiddo. Happy to see our doggo. Grateful to settle into the comforts of home. Overwhelmed by the emails and unsure where to start. Catching up from days off-grid. Confronting some difficult personal unknowns. Seeing tears in the eyes of my just-a-bit-ago-on-cloud-nine kid because she came home to a dead pet.
As I watch my kid be sad, my heart weighs heavy. I also acknowledge my own heaviness from reality kicking me in the teeth the very second vacation is over. But escape from these low feelings is of no benefit to either of us. Instead, believing that life is the pendulum, we must be capable of holding space for all of the swinging…not because we don’t have a choice but because it all matters. So today, the high of joy and peace and the low of sadness and turmoil are real and I hold them together because, well, that’s life.
This Day in 2018:
Tears
Lots of tears tonight.
I’m so tired it hurts.
This Day in 2019:
A Boat Ride
I took a boat ride tonight…just me and Chris and our girls…and I loved it. We talked and laughed and took pictures of this beautiful place.
And I felt the wind in my hair.
Before cancer, that same boat ride was, of course, lovely. Time together was nice, conversation was good, laughter was sweet and the wind in my face, refreshing.
Now – time together is precious, conversation is deeply meaningful, laughter is treasured and the wind in my hair is definitely not taken for granted – literally or metaphorically.
I have learned so much from this dreadfully beautiful journey….
No Post for 8/3/20