I’m typically pretty disciplined at keeping myself present and in the “simply show up” mindset. But recently I’ve lost a little touch with that and I’ve found myself reeling a little in the spiral of ‘what-if.’ I don’t want to tend that way though, cuz I don’t much like the way that I feel in the spiral of ‘what-if.’
June is going to be a reset…A daily practice in ‘simply show up.’ Not only for the day as a whole but in each part of each day. Tedious as it might sound, I feel it is where I am most head-heart-soul-healthy.
What am I thinking? How am I feeling? Am I distracted? If so, reset.
I think the ‘simply show up’ is a very difficult practice because at the core of it is adaptability…and being adaptable is hard. Adaptability means embracing the unknown, the uncertain, the discomfort of un-control. Adaptability means to go into a thing vulnerable and unprepared. Adaptability means to ‘let it be what it is’ even when we’ve laid our best plans. Adaptability means that we must accept our inability (read: we’re not actually magic) to predict our outcomes.
Standing in my footprints is the only certainty. What is here?
That is a great question. . . I can only answer it if actually show up.
More To Come :: June 1, 2018
This has been a difficult week. So much going on….working lots, tons of appointments, Chris having been out of town most of the week (doing things alone is tough in normal circumstances…..thank God for my momma…thank God for a husband who does so much!)…crazy schedules to manage with three girls going in all different directions…big decisions to make…
I’ll write more tomorrow when I have the energy to think more clearly. For now, I just need sleep. And to let the tears come.
Robotic Routine or Treacherously Rich :: June 1, 2019
Living deeply present is hard. Choosing to be intentional takes effort. Following through on making important changes is difficult. Experiencing richness requires a choice to be vulnerable and open to learning – the easy way or the hard.
Today was one of those days where I wanted to escape into a mindless robotic routine. I didn’t wake up that way but as the day unfolded and the you-know-what-was-hitting-the-fan, I wished for mundane. I wished for a careless attitude. I wished for an unaccountable existence. Because in the midst of battling cancer for my life, I have a really hard job that follows me around and sometimes likes to pop up when I’m actually supposed to be resting from it.
Of course, those feelings were fleeting and I love living richly and deeply and meaningfully and intentionally. And I’m grateful for the lessons that come even when they are treacherous. That said, I’m tired and emotional and I’m glad the day is just about over. I pray my dreams are nice to me.
No post for 6/1/20