Well, I may totally regret it tomorrow but I don’t care. My ‘impactful interaction’ today was with an old friend of mine – volleyball Amber. I played a little during Annie’s practice and I must say, I held my own pretty darn well! I’m certain I will never play at the 18s level but tonight, with my awesome 14s team, it was so fun and so good for my soul. And the bonus, “Coach Caty” was there to help so I got to play with both daughters. WOOT!

*disclaimer – I did not play my all time favorite position (defense) because I know for a fact I would not have the self-control to not dive. HA. AAAAANYONE who knew me in my heyday is nodding their head right now. But, I moved pretty quick and jumped pretty high considering the broken mess of a body I’m stuck in…so I’ll take it!

Ask me tomorrow how I feel, but tonight, I’m on cloud 9.

*Post 1046

Whoa :: 2/10/18 :: Post 161

Snow. Olympics. Eating spaghetti. Seeing my hair grow. Watching my kid play volleyball. Those things made today great. 🙂 And make up for the fact that I barely sleep at night. 

It’s strange being where I am. Big things behind me. Lots more ahead. Feeling good and supposedly not having to go back to feeling awful. Looking at myself in the mirror and seeing every bit of the evidence of a cancer-fighting body and yet feeling relatively “normal”. (Normal is now a forever-changed experience). Still uncertain of the future but thankful to have come through so much already. In awe of the resilience of my body and yet having to still bank on that resilience to continue day after day. 

I’m not even 40 and I’m having to battle a disease that takes lives. 

Whoa. 

Good. Ok. Bad. :: 2/10/19 :: Post 516

Tonight I’m wrestling with feeling the pressure to force myself to say that I’m doing “good” or “well” when I’m just “ok”. 

…Thinking I’ll just say I’m good (but then that would be inauthentic)  

…Wondering if people are tired of me not being “good” (and therefore getting tired of asking)

…Acknowledging that “good” could be too distant a memory (and feeling really sad about that)

It’s like, on one hand, I should be good because, well, lots of bad stuff is behind me. But on the other, I’m still not good because, well, I’m currently battling some more bad stuff. 

So, I’m O. K. 

And I guess there’s something to be said for being “ok” when the answer could be “I’m bad” (considering all the bad).

(No post for 2/10/20)