My diagnosis was my dead-end. 
. . .It stopped me in my tracks. 
 . . .It interrupted my trajectory. 
  . . .It stalled my progress.
It halted me to a stand-still.

It got in the way. 
. . .Unexpected. 
 . . .Unwelcome. 
  . . .Unfortunate. 
Massively inconvenient. 

I had things to do. 
. . .Career to pursue. 
 . . .Kids to influence. 
  . . .Time to fill. 
Life to design. 

My diagnosis was my dead-end. But not in the way you might be thinking.

When faced with a dead-end, a decision is required. You can turn left. Or right. You can turn around and go back the way you came. You can plow right through the dead-end sign. But one thing’s for sure – the way you were going is no longer available. In life, we can feel like we’re on a highway. Cruising along, exiting when we need and returning when our ‘errand’ is completed. Maybe even, every now and then, a detour from the normal route. But exits and errands and detours all offer a way back to the highway.

A dead end. Well, it’s a dead.end.

The direction I was heading wasn’t all bad. There were incredible things along the way. Amazing career opportunities and lessons and stories. Wonderful memories of family and friends. Extraordinary moments of influence. Some I am even nostalgic for at times. And yet, I didn’t know grace. And love. And surrender. Not the way I do now, anyways. My diagnosis was my dead-end. The dead-end of my short-fused grace. The dead-end of my love with expectations. The dead-end of my sort-of surrender. While I’m not Jesus-perfect at any of these, I am definitely on a whole new road. 

And today I have been given specific opportunity to live out this transformation because of a deeply difficult circumstance…one that calls for long grace, unconditional love, all-in surrender. 

Today I…
Sunday: Learned
Monday: Chose; said yes/no to
Tuesday: Loved
Wednesday: Prayed
Thursday: Was challenged by/to 
Friday: Am grateful for 
Saturday: Saw grace in

*Post 1031

6.5 :: 1/26/18 :: Post 148

I felt a little better today. And am grateful for that. But I haven’t wanted to say it out loud….you know, the whole jinx thing. 

I don’t know what tomorrow holds but it would be so great if I felt even better than today…..

I guess we’ll see.

Nonetheless, I’m exhausted. This battle has left very little……

Too Much :: 1/26/19 :: Post 501

I wonder if it will ever get to be too much….

I can hold a lot. I can do hard things. I can rise to the occasion. I can choose resilience. I can weather the storms. 

But will it ever get to be too much?

I don’t know. 

(No post for 1/26/20)