We.Simply.Don’t.Actually.Know.
Hey! I’m back for a moment. Maybe two? Who knows.
I had this really grand plan for my blog for 2024, each month following a similar plan and pattern, offering learnings in a predictable and palatable way, and well, I continue to learn to hold loose the plans I make. In years past I’ve been able to follow through on the designs set forth but this year I’ve derailed.
Ah well. There’s something to be said for derailing. For adapting the expectations. And while a part of me craves the predictability of patterns, another part of me really favors the unforced.
That in mind, I have no structure or patterned design for this post and instead, simply want to share a few things on my mind.
Three things I am continually learning about as I currently exist in space and time.
💭 Accepting complexity doesn’t imply a lack of integrity or intelligence or faith or stability.
💭 Compassion doesn’t have to compete with conviction.
💭 Codependency is running rampant.
My take:
I often notice people’s unsaid responses when the concept of complexity comes up in conversation. I notice they bristle a little. I notice a discomfort. Or sometimes it’s a tune-out that happens, lending to a disregard for whatever else is said.
Curiously, I have asked why that is and what usually comes back is some form of an argument that things aren’t actually complex. That everything can be simplified. That saying that something is complex is laziness or a lack of determination. Or that maybe it means a lack of wisdom or character or faith. That really there are only ever true lines in the sand and you’re either on one side or the other.
What life continues to show me, though, is that uncomfortable as it is because it’s unpredictable, honoring the complexity of something doesn’t mean weakness of any kind.
📌 We’re not doing life wrong when we accept that some—mmm, actually most—things are actually complicated.
📌 When has human-ing truly fit into either/or categories? Like HONESTLY ask yourself that.
📌 It does not undermine our faith or belief systems when we admit that we don’t actually know things (being that faith is believing in things unseen).
If we would be more willing to live in complexity, we would be far more compassionate to others who don’t think, look, act, choose, believe like us. We could think, look, act, choose, and believe as we want…we could have our own personal convictions…and could still be compassionate. And so could they. Because not everything would need to fit into containers. Or make total sense.
❓ What if we didn’t require others to think, look, act, choose, and believe as we do because we think we have the market cornered?
❓ What if the only thing we all had to agree upon was personal safety/consent?
❓ What if that was the only accepted uncomplicated line in the sand?
But we are far too codependent. We feel our wellness it attached to the behaviors of others. Our goodness. Our intelligence. Our salvation. Our existence. All attached to at least one person if not the entirety of the collective. We think being self-dependent is the same thing as being selfish because we’ve been taught, over and over and over again, that any word with the word “self” in it is automatically synonymous with selfish. Hilariously ironic, though, in codependence we can’t live with ourselves if we don’t convince another to live as we do. We are desperate to get people to do it our way because our way is the only way.
Codependence makes interactions become transactions.
🎟️ Do any of us really have THE ticket on what is real and right and true?
🎟️At best…..AT BEST….we are each INTERPRETING what we THINK is real and right and true. And no matter how convinced we are that our interpretations are IT, we.simply.don’t.actually.know.
Your take?:
It would be completely contradictory of me to expect my words to convince you to change. So, instead, for what it’s worth, maybe just sit with it all.
🎯 Wonder for yourself if you struggle to accept complexity. And why that is.
🎯 Wonder for yourself if you have a hard time offering compassion because you feel it competes with your convictions. And what that means for your relationships.
🎯 Wonder for yourself how codependent you are. And how that affects the way you treat others.
🎯 Wonder for yourself where you might be challenged to change because there might be something new to consider. (And while you’re at it, maybe wonder if and why you’re averse to change when change is one of life’s only certainties).
🎯 Wonder for yourself, with no one even knowing you’re asking, if you’re able to truly be honest with your answers.
No one has the answer to world peace because if there was one, we’d have it. But since we don’t, maybe our energies could be better used by challenging how we show up to the world.
Thanks for reading. See ya when I see ya. 👀🤭🩵