Part 1 of 2 of “The Overwhelm”
So, I have this trick, this coping skill, that has been very impactful in helping clients when the overwhelm overwhelms. And on occasion I’ve used it myself.
I think the feeling and concept of ‘overwhelm’ is a shared human experience. I think we can all connect with, at least a time or two in our lives, where we felt we were trying to find our next best step but the fog of feelings was so dense that it was impossible to even see the hand in front of our face let alone take a step. Trusting a solid footing when nothing around you makes sense… Feeling confident when there is nothing to grasp… Taking a ‘leap of faith’ when there is no vantage point to anchor to… That’s the reality and struggle of the impenetrable, impermeable, impassable fog of overwhelm.
(For those that are Christians reading this, let’s avoid the temptation to say anything with the tone of, “You just need more faith…” That is shame-based, unhelpful, causes more confusion, and vilifies God.)
The Picture
Visualize the fog. When in it, nothing has form, everything is fuzzy, visibility is awful, and therefore, forward movement comes with a heightened sense of anxiety. You might bust your toes or your nose or your car’s bumper on something you don’t see coming. You might drop into a vortex, a hole, a chasm or crack, but you don’t know it’s there until you’re falling. You might find yourself wandering in circles or even moving backwards because you’ve lost sense of direction and movement. Relatable yet? In that space, things can feel out of control. The lack of clarity is, well, overwhelming. And while it may feel like you’re at the mercy of it all, there is something you can do, if you take the time and intention to do it.
The Trick
While in the thick of it, visualize yourself reaching for a handful of the fog, just as much as your hands can hold, and pull it down, out of the space around you. As you do that (actually act this part out…it helps!), put a name to it. A feeling word, an expression, an experience, a narrative…something. Then, as you call it what it is, visualize where you’re putting it – a container of some sort maybe, or possibly you can form it into a shape to match its name – and then place that container or shape next to you. Or on the shelf of your mind’s eye, even.
You’ve now done two things: 1. You’ve probably slowed your breathing down enough to be able to do all of that which means you’ve taken some control of your emotional response to the overwhelm. And 2. You’ve gained new insights into emotional intelligence because you’ve been intentional about naming something that didn’t yet have a name. Now, what I’m not suggesting is that by doing this, everything is now ‘fixed’ and ‘all better.’ Nope. BUT, you have removed some of the fog, you’ve clarified your “view” a little bit, and now you’ve got a container or shape of something that you can work with.
The ‘What Now’
So, now what? You’re going to take that container or shape and “test” it. Is it true? Is it not? Is it something to hold on to or is it something to release? Is it a symptom or byproduct of some other root issue? If so, what is that root issue?
PS. The more honest with yourself in this next step, the more benefit you will gain from it.
It is here where you do the work to understand yourself, your own story, your responses and reactions to overwhelm, and ultimately, your ability to purpose your struggles. Think about it – learning how to have your struggles work for you rather than against you means that the concepts of failure or shame (likely the two biggest culprits of the overwhelm to begin with) don’t exist. If it all matters, it all matters…
With that in mind: [Acknowledging your valid feelings] and [accepting you can only control your attitude and effort], what is one thing you will do? And if you believe that that one thing is *always* progress, then progress is progress, no matter how small.
#relatable #tryit #mentalhealth #tricksofthetrade #part2iscoming