Rooting Your Periwinkle Palm Tree
I mentioned last week that I was going to bring emotional intelligence and emotional adaptability right into real life with some applications as I’ve learned through my story.
A Story
Before my diagnosis, I lived in this blissful headspace that I could predict and plan my life. And, well, I was almost 100% accurate which only served to convince me to keep predicting and planning, deepening the nice, cushy, butt-groove in my comfort zone. In this comfortability of being ‘in charge’ and ‘in control,’ I didn’t really have to exercise emotional intelligence because nothing really challenged it. I’d had some tough things happen, yes, and I wasn’t emotionally UNaware, but I’d say I was emotionally intelligent . . . . mmm, externally. Peripherally. I could apply the concept to my work, and I was sufficient at it which helped make me a fine mom, a good wife, a very successful counselor and a hardworking employee. All good things, yes, but then, cancer.
Cancer was absolutely never something I’d prescribed for my life’s story and as my diagnosis unfolded and “iffy” went to “bad” which went to “worst,” everything stopped as I knew it. It wasn’t just a small detour like I’d first thought, rather it’s my Alice-in-Wonderland hole in the ground but unlike Alice, there’s no returning to As It Was. It was then, when I realized that As It Was would never again be, that I started to understand the value of living deep, not skimming by on the surface.
Living deep requires practice in emotional intelligence. Slowing down. Avoiding the ease in denial. Sitting in the quiet and listening to what is there to teach me. Inviting in the complexity, not pushing it aside. These things then prime the ability to purpose the story, to making it matter (aka emotional adaptability). Flexing and bending with the perpetual unknown: the vulnerability, the willingness, the openness, each necessary for the process. Quite the palm-tree image, yes?
The Application
Emotional Intelligence
Applying the qualities that emerge from the story above, emotional intelligence helps process life events by deepening self-awareness. Deeper self-awareness helps relationships be healthier. It helps communication be more productive and collaborative and connective. It helps perspectives grow so empathy for others can expand. Additionally, emotional intelligence (since it requires intention) yields a slower reaction so that there is room for more aware responses, thus, assisting in anger management, knee-jerk judgements, hurtful words, close-minded assumptions, and mis-managed context. Furthermore, emotional intelligence creates an emotional maturity—as described above—that helps spot manipulation (either yours or someone else’s). And this, well, this can help create, maintain, and honor very v e r y important boundaries.
Emotional Adaptability, Then
Helps manage unmet or differently-met expectations. By learning how to do so, the inevitability of changing relationships is more accepted and less life-halting. Seeing some relationships as unhealthy is a skill that comes with “EA” and can bring about very important purging of unhealth, a pruning of sorts, using quality boundaries. Additionally, emotional adaptability will help write accurate narratives, therefore creating less “damage control” when opening our mouths. And ‘further-most’…emotional adaptability helps navigate life’s next unknown (cuz *that’s* happening) as there are new roots in emotional maturity, grown from making it all matter using ALL said skills.
By no means are these all-inclusive lists. There is so much about emotional maturity left to be discovered and practiced. But, hopefully this is relatable on some level to help you gain new insights in your own stories. I’d encourage you to explore. To deepen your periwinkle palm tree’s roots. It’s SO worth it. See ya next month, friends. I’m grateful for your continued support through reading.