It’s February! It’s a new month so it’s time for a new topic. You’ve heard me talk about this particular topic a few times, but this month, I wanna peel back some layers on it. I wanna show by doing, I wanna offer my own vulnerabilities to pave the way for applicable action, I wanna offer something that challenges us all beyond the easy head-nod of agreement. So…….we’re gonna talk about feedback, yup. Feedback. Again. What it is. Where it comes from. How to receive it. How it can all be made relevant. How it might inform next best steps… and I’m calling it “Feedback February” (I apologize for the cheesiness). HA.
If you know me at all, you know that I’m really pretty passionate about this concept and I do in fact believe that all, yes ALL, feedback is relevant…. Here’s the deal, though. I haven’t always been this way.
Storytime:
Let’s rewind several years … to me, a stubborn, hard-nosed employee who needed a little lesson in shrinkin’ my britches. We were asked as a staff to read a book that, I’ll admit at the time, felt super silly. It’s called Relactional Leadership and Ford Taylor’s point is that leadership needs to be BOTH relational and transactional and that a balance of those is important. Of course, the concept isn’t silly, but it felt so elementary at the time (which might just shed light on why I might have needed to read said book!?) Anyways, there was one staff meeting that we were talking about the chapters we’d just read, and my direct supervisor called out a specific quote that she wanted us to talk about as a team. Now, keep in mind that at the time this story takes place, me and this supervisor of mine were in some, um, tensions. To say the least. So, she states the quote we’re gonna be talking about: “All feedback is relevant . . . . .” and then said some other words to finish the quote that I had stopped listening to because my feathers were all in a ruffle that, ‘NO, not ALLLLL feedback is relevant. Nuhhhh uhhh.’
So, the point of my story:
While I was in my hissy fit about how this quote simply could not be true, the inner workings of my heart started to open to the idea without me even knowing it. Over the weeks and months following that meeting, that quote kept jabbing at me from the inside. It kept popping up and giving me pause while in the middle of conversations, both easy and really really hard. It kept showing its relevance—pun totally intended—ESPECIALLY when I didn’t want it to. And it was in that season that I really came to appreciate, the the application of this quote what it had to offer in regards to my maturity, respect, and rich life experiences. And the bonus – it created this really special relationship with that supervisor–now turned dear friend.
And now, the application of this story:
This concept of ‘all feedback being relevant’ helped me see that my attitude toward ALL parts of my life had been rooted in insecurity and pride…the two going hand in hand, feeding off each other in ways so stifling. I would walk around puffed up and ready for a fight; I’d approach most of my interactions unwilling to admit they had something to teach me; I would develop an opinion and have no tolerance for anyone to challenge it. It wasn’t healthy. But, if you think about it, I bet you can either remember the name or visualize the face of someone in your life that is like that. And I wonder if maybe, perhaps, possibly, it could also be the person on the other side of the mirror. If that’s the case, guess what? You’re SO not alone.
What I’ve been learning about, since this story started several years ago, is how to admit my tendencies, how to notice them and how to stop them. How to be willing to receive feedback for my other areas of growth. How to open up a whole wide world unencumbered by the distractions of insecurity, pride, and stubbornness. How there is just so much to learn, how admitting this may throw me into some difficult tensions, how all feedback really is relevant, and how I am constantly invited into the practice of its application.
I no longer have to walk around puffed up, defensive, always at the ready to ‘shout my value’ because my security lies in the truth that I do, in fact, always have something to learn.
Coming up – how this lesson is directly tied to my cancer story. Stay tuned . . .