I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
In the deluge of my grief,
adrift and uncertain,
I must make this my anchor.
Loss is the absence of something that once was, something that we claim as part of ourselves….a part of our “who” and our “what” and our “why. Therefore, loss isn’t just of that thing, but also of parts of ourselves, making our very existence painful in the midst of grief. I think that’s why grief is so complicated and deep and daunting.
Today, I sit in some significant losses, grieving so much…not only for those “things” I have lost, but also for those parts of me that went with them. I don’t know who I am. I have a lot of emptiness to process. I can’t think straight (and if I’m being completely transparent, I’ve been sitting here for 6 hours now trying to string words together).
Grief isn’t about filling the holes with replacements, it’s not about “getting over it” or “moving on.” It’s not about guilt or shame, resilience or being tough. It’s about letting the process be individual and organic, un-rushed and un-conformed. And it’s about trusting that what needs to be known to help make sense of the pain will become known at the right time. And so,
I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
In the deluge of my grief,
adrift and uncertain,
I must make this my anchor.
#thursdayblog #cancerteachesmethings #cancer #breastcancer #lifecoach #cancercoach #thepurposedsailor
Dear Amber,
Your message came to me at the right time ! — confirming :
” I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it. ”
I have been struggling with the grief of recent loss of my relative- an energetic and learned lady of 75 years. I was reintroduced to her after decades, only 7 months back, as a newly diagnosed lung cancer patient.
She knew very little about cancer and did not want to know—her intention was to forget it by ignoring, not sharing. We exchanged many interesting experiences, writings, poetry, even autographs of celebrities- whom both of us admire. She used to phone me about her cancer only when she was in pain—-when litres of water was accumulating in her lungs- making her difficult to breathe-for my relieving words. I got the news 3 weeks back about her demise.
I still do not know why I get involved in such tragic experiences—instead of minding my own simple life. Unfortunately I am an incorrigible extrovert—making it my business to share my knowledge, feelings and emotions with persons contacting me—sometimes I even try to get such contacts myself !
I feel God is prolonging my life with metastatic RCC ( 15 years!) at the age of 81, only to punish me with such experiences !
Your today’s message is very apt for me —Thanks a lot Dear Amber !
Blessings
Ramana
That’s the thing with empathy…to connect richly, you bare your soul. I 100% believe that pain is worth it because as deep as the pain of vulnerability, so is the height of gratitude having seen life from another’s soul!!!
My heart breaks for you.
Love you. 💛