- A SERIES: #ThisIsSurvivorship
- From the Desk Of a Cancer Surviving Life Coach
- How to Help A Cancer Patient
Trauma Isn’t a Temporary Detour
#Didyouknow Day 7 of 7
From the #patientperspective, cancer is not a temporary detour. And survivorship isn’t returning to the original route once the inconvenience of construction is over. That’s not how trauma works… Once I heard those words, “You have cancer” the road I was on closed for good and then began the hard task of forging a new road altogether.
I’d encourage you today to have a real conversation with another who has encountered and woven trauma into their lives. Sit and listen to their experience and allow them to challenge your aptitude for empathy, to invite your grace and to celebrate their bravery in forging new roads. And if *you* have trauma woven into *your* story, I hope that you, too, sit with yourself and listen to your experience. Allow it to challenge your aptitude for empathy, to invite your own self-grace and grace for others and to celebrate your bravery in forging new roads.
My new road
(Besides my long list of physical long-term effects)…#thisiscancer:
I suck at setting up doctors appointments for my kids. If only they never needed them.
My dog has a lipoma. I overheard Chris and Haleigh talking about it in detail and got instantly nauseous.
Does it feel squishy and movable? Is it hard and fixed? We should call the vet. I don’t want to.
I have anxiety. I didn’t struggle with that before.
Grief punches me in the gut when my dukes are down. I don’t have energy to keep them up.
Grief hits harder each time it hits.
I have to force myself to get in the shower. Taking clothes off is a trauma trigger.
I live on a different planet and feel like I don’t fit. Anywhere.
I have an upset stomach 24/7. Is it from chemo effing it up? Is it anxiety? Could it be unrelated?
The idea of going to the doctor makes me sick. Sometimes dysfunction is anti-anxiety.
I just had a thought. It was really good. I wanted to write it down but had to finish the other one first.
Now I can’t remember it. That’s lame. It’s also normal for me now.
I don’t like having hair (it annoys me). That’s weird.
I don’t like having fake boobs (I feel like a fraud). That’s unexpected.
Food doesn’t taste the same. Eating is a trauma trigger.
I have a lot of noise in my body.
I brace myself for a hug I know is coming. I flinch and back away when I get a hug I’m not expecting.
I’m super chill about things I used to be all twisted up about. But….
What I’m super chill about, most everyone around me is still twisted up about. But…
I am all twisted up about all these new things that no one else can see.
I’m confused.
I struggle with what to call myself. “Survivor”?? “Patient”?? But the connotations of either don’t fit…
”Survivor” implies I’ve moved on…that it’s over. But it’s not.
“Patient” implies I’m unable to move on….that I’m stuck in the past. But I’m not.
I don’t like labels. But I want to claim something? I just haven’t found it yet.
I’m confused.
Yet…
I’m grateful for all of that, not because any of it is ‘good’ but because it all helps me value new things new ways. It all helps me cherish different things deeper. It all gives me perspective. It all offers me hope. It all challenges my grit. Forging a new road is HARD…but as I like to say (and I say it often) IT.ALL.MATTERS.
#thursdaythoughts #thursdayblog #cancerteachesmethings #thisisbreastcancer #cancer #breastcancer #pinktober #lifecoach #survivorshipcoach #thisissurvivorship #patientexperience #itallmatters
Dear Amber ,
I love your comment ” Survivorship ” does not come with a ‘Delete’ button”. It is worth quoting.
I appreciate your views on “survivorship”. You have woven a realistic fabric of the complicacies, problems and pleasures so frankly and vividly—which most of us “survivors” feel but cannot convey.
It is indeed necessary to dwell more into the various aspects of survivorship—the medical, physical, psychological , social and spiritual dimensions to unveil a true state of an individual cancer “Survivor”.
Medically, a “SURVIVOR” is a patient one who has completed a major medical intervention or procedure like Surgery, Chemo or Radiation ,as an in-patient of the Hospital and discharged— when the specific parameters / indicators / markers are brought back to normal range. No other aspect is considered .
Physically , if the person cannot look after his / her personal needs , without external help—he is still a SURVIVOR , awaiting the next date of treatment anxiously- with all the pain , trauma and discomfort.
Mentally, he may be under heavy stress , not enjoying even the comforts provided by his care-givers , seriously questioning the reason for prolonging his life.
The Survivor may be nothing but a SOCIAL COST, wasting the resources, which could be utilized for more fruitful purpose.
Spiritually, he is unable to provide a decent example of a righteous individual, helpful and pious.
Dwelling more into these aspects, it is necessary to classify SURVIVORSHIP—
A person who is medically alive, but spending most of the time in consultation/ ICU or awaiting his turn for the next procedure cannot simply deserves the status of SURVIVOR. Same is with the other states of living, without physical, mental or spiritual life-quality.
Our effort should be to create favourable conditions to help and improve the quality of life of each class of the “SURVIVOR” – Any action towards that will be great service to GOD for giving us human life. Let us join the efforts of “Cancer Support Societies” globally towards this goal.
Ramana
India
Thank you, Ramana, for your comments. There were a couple of moments where I grimaced a bit at the choice of words but once I read the entirety of your message, I understood your point more clearly. 🙂 I totally agree that efforts into strengthening survivorship resources would be massively beneficial and worth every investment. We (the collective “we”) do a great job in general of supporting those in active treatment but struggle to offer realistic and appropriate support once that part of the story changes. Even as I write this, I am reconsidering my own language!! If we consider diagnosis, treatment, and survivorship all as separate chapters, we may miss the mark. If we were to change our perspective and look at it as an evolving story/experience (vs. categorizing them separately), we may do better offering important help for the patient/survivor over the entirety of the rest of their life this side of heaven.
As always, thank you. 👍🏼