As a family, we’re ready to make it official. Our Caty-girl has committed to play volleyball at Montana State University Billings and we are SO excited for and with her. The journey is not for the faint of heart. To get to this stage in athletics, it takes mental toughness, a thick skin, constant recalibration of priorities, lots and lots of failure, the taste of success but the drive to never settle, the humility to remember there is always ALWAYS something to learn no matter if you’re the star or the beginner, the work ethic of the underdog, the value of joy and fun balanced with grit and competitiveness, the maturity to consistently adapt and the emotional intelligence to show up and actively participate in it all.
This ^ is my girl. As her Coach, I am proud of her for being one of the most coachable kids in the gym and one of the hardest workers. I’m proud of her for stating her intentions and doing what it takes to get to the next level while staying true to herself and who she is made to be. As her Mom, I’m grateful her discernment and priorities matched with her top desired school…that’s just icing on this really amazing cake. And we are where we are because of the coaches and teammates that have been woven into her story, that have played with her, pushed her and have spoken greatness into her, that have allowed her the space to try and fail and try again, that have celebrated her successes and loved her both on and off the court.
There is so much about surviving that is wretchedly hard and there are days where the relief of heaven sounds, well, heavenly. The price I’ve paid to stay alive is costly and unfortunately in my case, has come with dreadful effects that seem like they will be with me till that day of relief when heaven finally does come. It’s emotional and it’s painful and it’s overwhelming (and whatever it is that I carry, my caregivers carry their own versions of this trauma, too). Yet, with all of that (because I’m a both+and girl) I’m intensely and immensely grateful I’m alive to be here now.
#MSUBVB #Yellowjackets #MyGirlIsAnMSUBYellowjacket 💛🐝💙
This Day in 2018:
“Should”
The pain is significant. Liposuction is violent to the body….the bruising has already started to show and it’s gonna be juuuuuuust lovely.
I was able to shower today…and take a short break from this almost full body compression suit. What a relief, even if it was just for 15 minutes.
I also gathered enough courage to look at my body. That was difficult. Full of bloody gauze and bandages, bruises and purple-markered-bullseyes, swelling and scars. My physical body is a mess. And it’s far from a finished product. Additionally, I noticed throughout the day, that the layers of tissue under my skin itch like crazy. It’s so weird…and maddening…because I can’t relieve the itch.
Then a friend came over. She had bought me some new shirts and was showing them to me. I tried some of them on and hated the way my body looked in them. Her gesture was so kind and I’m grateful for her generosity…but that was hard. I’m keeping them for now, unsure if they will actually ever look good on me. More waiting. More patience in the process.
I have never wanted to be out of my own skin more. I know this is temporary…and I know I “should” find some positives to cling to…but tonight, I just wanna acknowledge how awful, terrible, crappy, frustrating, ugly and painful this all is.
This Day in 2019:
Crashed
Work and volleyball while still recovering was exhausting today. I got home and I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer…
I am getting better and better at living moment by moment and that is what got me through the day, but as soon as I got home, everything crashed into me and I felt massively overwhelmed. Cancer is hard. Surviving it is harder. And while surviving it, I have a preteen who is hormonal and emotional, I have two teenagers who are settling into new routines and experiencing their own emotional ‘off-ness’, I have a husband who is tired just like me, we have big life transitions coming our way, and it’s really really hard being in the gym.
As much as I love the fact that I’ve survived and get to parent and wife and coach, it doesn’t mean I can’t recognize the hard that it is to navigate it all.
No post for 8/26/20