“What is to give light must endure burning.”

Victor Frankl

I feel every bit exhausted by enduring. But that doesn’t mean I’m not willing.

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This Day in 2018:

Mention of Your Name

A dear friend of mine, at the beginning of all of this, would send me worship songs…and not the cheesy ones. True. Authentic. Deep worship in a backyard with a guitar and a fire in the background kind of worship songs. I created a playlist to keep them all in one place and throughout this cancer hell, I have gone back and listened to them. They were heard over and over and over again during my mastectomy recovery. They invaded the quiet of those nights where sleep was impossible because chemo hell was wrecking my body and soul and mind. I have brought them out during times of gratitude and times of intense anger. I’ve listened to them throughout this surgery recovery, too. 

The emotions that these songs elicit are intense because they are connected to some of the darkest times I’ve ever experienced in my life. Darkness where the words of these perfectly selected songs would invade my soul even if I hated hearing them. Words that have meaning, just for me…and would speak truth into the heavy haze of my pain. Words that I would cling to when I had literally nothing left. 

The lyrics of a particular song that seriously had to have been written just for me for this time:

Mention of Your Name

Verse 1
You’re here with the grace of the Savior
With the heart of the Father
You’re all we need
You’re here with the hands of the Healer
With the power of Your Spirit
You’re all we need

Chorus
At the mention of Your name
Every chain will break
I know everything will change
Jesus, just the whisper of Your name
Will silence wind and waves
At the mention of Your name

Verse 2
You’re here, You’re the Provider
All I’ve ever needed
Jesus, You supply
You’re here, with wonder-working power
Everything You breathe on
Coming back to life

Bridge
You are my strength
You are my anchor
And You never fail
You are my hope
You will deliver
Emmanuel

Outro
At the mention of Your name
Every chain will break
I know everything will change
Jesus, just the whisper of Your name
Will silence wind and waves
At the mention of Your name
Just the mention, Oh
Just the whisper, Oh
You’re just a breath away
You’re just a breath away

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This Day in 2019:

…together we adjust our sails.

Being a Jesus-follower doesn’t mean an easy existence. That is erred theology. Never does He make that promise, either. 

His promise, however, is that He is in ‘it’ with me…whatever ‘it’ is. ‘It’ can be mountaintop seasons… ‘It’ can be in the flat day-to-day routines… ‘It’ can be the dryness of the desert… ‘It’ can be the most terrifying of storms…….…and He is there. In ‘it.’ 

On the mountaintop, He sits with me and celebrates. In the routines, He walks just ahead of me, just to the side of me and just behind me, surrounding me with a constant presence that I know I can trust is there. In the desert, He remains even when I am too far away to remember or when I’m too shortsighted and stubborn to notice the Oasis.

And in the storms…He doesn’t sit up in the highest of heavens and grade me on my performance when I am struggling, rather He rides the waves and the stormy waters right next to me, sometimes calming the waters, sometimes calming me in the boat. …Together we adjust our sails.

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No post for 7/21/20

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