“Isn’t it terribly beautiful? The way this destruction teaches us how to be whole.”

-nd.

I went on a hike with my family today. 
We climbed some serious altitude. 
A feeling of great accomplishment for choosing to do a hard thing.
Adrenaline can be such a friend.
Until later when it’s long gone.
And then the pain that comes.
The climb and the altitude hitting me like a Mack.
But I went on a hike with my family today.

(PS. I don’t know who “nd.” is but I wanted to cite what I could nonetheless.)

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This Day in 2018:

Laughable

If I don’t laugh, I’ll go bonkers. 

Today was my first day driving since surgery and literally (using the word correctly) every road had either construction, an accident, broken stoplights or people pulling off the side of the road all willy-nilly and such and almost causing accidents. Are you kidding me? I drove 138 miles over about 4 hours today between picking up Catelyn from a volleyball camp at Grandview HS and then having a family get together in Highlands Ranch. All good things! Except for the fact that everyone and their mother and brother and sister and aunt and grandpa were on the road today. What a way to get back some independence. HA! 

On my way home tonight, it was just Annie and I and we were jamming to some good 80’s music. While I was fried and exhausted and SOOOOOOO over traffic jams, listening to her sing along was a sweet reminder of time spent together…even rotting in traffic at 9:30 at night. 

Another interesting tension to add to the many that I’ve written about – the madness of an exhausting day where 90% of it was spent on the road and the sweet moments of being with the girls and the conversations and singing to pass the time. Not to mention the fact that I see getting home safely in a whole new light anyways since my huge car accident almost a year ago. That many miles on the road and that much time spent sharing the road with other people (who are always in such a hurry), getting home safely is a huge win. 

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This Day in 2019:

Going On a Treasure Hunt

This morning I met with my counselor…and spent some time investing in me. One of the things we talked about that will stick with me is the fact that in the midst of the really really REALLY hard, the exhaustion, the intense pain, the ever-present struggle, there are many little jewels present to find. Jewels of sweet interactions with the people divinely placed in my path…jewels of quiet moments woven into the chaos…jewels of self-improvement from the hard lessons…jewels of light sparkling within so much darkness…jewels of transformation and gratitude… 

Despite my desperation for relief, I can decide to go on a treasure hunt. And as deeply low as I am, oppositely rich is the treasure….even if I have to dig and dig to get to it. 

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No Post for 7/10/20

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