I’d Love Your Help

Posted on June 29, 2021 By AmberNichole4 Comments

I want to write a book. . . I think I’m finally there in my head and heart. 🙂

I have so many ideas swirling in my head, maybe you can help? Memoir? Workbook? Devotional? Interactive storytelling? Journal prompts? What are some of your ideas? What would you like to read?

Blindsided

I did not see this coming.

The rollercoaster is real. I woke up crying. Then I was mad. Then I talked to a friend and my spirits were lifted a bit. Then we emptied my drains (and one of the four is excruciating to strip). Then I showered and that felt so good. Then putting myself all back together was exhausting and I cried again.

I am having such difficult memories of my mastectomy, sitting here in this chair, feeling very similar pain. Having a long road ahead of unknowns…. Different, yet so very similar. 10 months ago, I had chemo and radiation ahead of me… treatment that I had no idea about, treatment that seemed so impossible to live through. Today, I have several more procedures ahead of me to complete this reconstruction. Procedures that come with significant pain. Procedures that come with unknown results. Procedures that require time and patience. Procedures that require that awkward “middle” where I’m only partially put back together. The reality that no matter how good a plastic surgeon is, I will never be what I was. 

I’m furious at cancer. At all that it has taken. The toll it has taken on my entire being. The toll it has taken on my marriage. On my family. And I have the many scars to remind me.

I can sit here and acknowledge that I am forever changed in a good way. I can celebrate being in the 5%. I can celebrate that with each day post-op, I move around a little better. I can celebrate that there will be an end…at some point. I can celebrate all that I (we) have endured. I can celebrate that I got here and while there is much ahead, there is so much behind.

All that said, I still sit here not feeling very well, with my anxieties through the roof and my emotions all over the place. I did not see this coming.

irony and allegory

When my current state of existence is “be where my feet are” but my feet hurt like hell because of chemo……………

Hm.

Interesting irony.

Interesting allegory.

No post for 6/29/20

4 Thoughts on “I’d Love Your Help”

  1. Yes, write. The format? A Memoir? Workbook? Devotional? Interactive storytelling? Journal prompts? Is it possible to do all those in one book? You have sooooo much to share, and we have so much to learn from you! Probably not helpful to include all the choices, but seriously, is it possible to do all? 🙂

    1. Yes! Yes! Yes! I vote memoir or journal/devo. You were made for this (among many other incredible things)!

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