After a very very Mad Tea Party, Alice “once more found herself in the long hall, and close to the little glass table. ‘Now, I’ll manage better this time,’ she said to herself, and began by taking the little golden key, and unlocking the door that led into the garden.”

Alice had wanted to find her way into the beautiful garden right after her fall into the rabbit hole but clearly ended up somewhere very different than she had intended….how often would we say that about our own lives? Likely, our answer would be “A L L of the time!” The interesting thing about this juncture in the book, though, is that Alice finds herself back where she started and this time, she could choose differently. Now, I’ll ask the same question – how often would we say this about our own lives? I’m guessing: “Not likely ever. You can’t literally start over.” 

Or so we think. 

I’ve been pondering the issue of ‘regression’ and how negative we tend to think it is. One step forward, five back… why can’t I just keep going?… do I really have to do this all over again?… how did I get here, I thought I was doing so well?… But what if regression could be seen in a different, upside-down, Alice-kind of light? What if regression was our ‘return to the long hall to manage better this time’? When we find ourselves a few steps back in the midst of progress, it doesn’t have to be a grudging trudge through the shame of failure, rather it can be a purposed repurpose of all the possibilities.

What might change if we believed this?

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Metaphors Come to Life Right Before My Eyes :: May 18, 2018

The beach and the ocean have so many metaphors for life…..

Footprints in the sand…
Wave after wave….
Sailboats…
Palm trees…
Seashells…
The expanse of the sea…
Islands…
Anchors and compasses and navigating uncharted waters…
Wide open horizons…
Mysteries yet to be discovered…

Every one of those things mean something for me in this journey. And it was so good for my soul to spend time with my feet in the sand, listening to the waves crash and watching a sailboat move across the horizon. The real life illustration of so many things learned and so many things yet to be discovered…….

And then ending the day with a delicious meal (that I’m grateful to have tasted) and wonderful company and conversation (that I’m grateful to be alive to enjoy). 

My soul sings. 

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Catalyst of Transformation :: May 18, 2019

My joy today – watching (and coaching) my Cate and her team play their last club tournament for this club season. I had to massively rally to survive the day, but I did. I lay here in bed tonight hurting intensely everywhere but so grateful I spent the day with her and the wonderful group of girls on her team. Laughter, excitement and quality time filled my soul. 

On a somewhat related note…..I’m asking the Lord what He’s doing with me and my story. One day I’ll feel one way and the next I’ll feel different. Some days I’m incredibly antsy and others I’m completely peaceful. This back-and-forth reminds me of something I said all of the time earlier on in this journey – “be where my feet are.”  It’s so easy to get pulled back into the if-only-it-was-Friday or I-can’t-wait-for-next-year mentality….

I guess by simply living into this truth, by reminding myself of this being-where-my-feet-are, I’m living changed because the pre-cancer-Amber would have had everything all predicted and planned out…. so I’ll rest in that tonight and continue to trust that I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it and the in-between will have purpose, too.

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No Post for 5/18/20

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