And the theme of March will be grace. Grace upon grace.
grace [ greys ]
noun.
favor shown in granting a delay
Sometimes you just need a reset. I was yawning today and I remembered something I heard a long time ago about why we yawn… it’s your body’s way of telling you to breathe in deeper because it’s short on oxygen. While I’m no scientist, this does seem quite logical, doesn’t it? The way I see it, yawning is a literal seconds-long total reset for the body. The physiological effects of an unclenched jaw, breathing in cooler air through your nose and mouth (cooling down your internal system), flooding your body with oxygen (helping you function optimally), closing your eyes (which subsequently water, rehydrating your eyes) and shutting off your ears all make you stop or slow down whatever you’re doing to simply reset.
So it goes in the non-physiological sense, as well. . .
It is so easy to get entrenched in things…in the ways that we think, feel or see, in the moments of frustration or hopelessness, in the fear of the unknown, in the stress of the chaos, in the designing of our futures and goals and dreams, in the what-ifs, in the predictions and preparations, in the reactions to experiences, in the consequences of decisions… Oh how we would benefit from the figurative yawn!? The reminder to simply take in a breath. To reset in the simplest way. It doesn’t have to be a long task, it doesn’t have to be a deep process. Simply open your mind. Cool yourself down. Unclench. Flood your body, soul, heart and mind with life-giving pause. Close your eyes and shut off your ears. For just a moment.
Just. Breathe. In.
“Yawn.”
And reset.
*Post 1087 (I did not post yesterday, 3/25/21)
Ugh :: 3/25/18 :: Post 200
Radiation and chemo tomorrow.
Ugh.
It’ll be nice when the day is over cuz it’ll be one more treatment day behind me….but I won’t feel very good for the next several days and I’m going into tomorrow already diminished significantly, so that sucks.
I hate cancer.
26/3 :: 3/26/18 :: Post 201
Radiation: 26 of 28 ::: Chemotherapy (Type Two): 3 of 12
Another day of treatment behind me.
I must have had some anxiety about today. Last night I slept awful and had lots of short, very intense dreams.
…I woke up from one sobbing….. I do not remember the dream, I just remember being beyond sad.
I sat there this morning heavy hearted. Waiting in waiting rooms, waiting to consult with oncologists, having both types of poison invade my body, knowing the days ahead will be difficult on my entire well-being, feeling the pain of treatment…………
It was looking cancer directly in the eye. It was a not-so-gentle reminder of what I’m fighting and how far from over it is.
Will it ever really be over, though?
I dunno.
In the Ugliness :: 3/25/19 :: Post 559
My heart is feeling gratitude tonight. In the ugliness of cancer, I am grateful for:
My husband and kids and a new closeness.
My mom and dad (who gets to ring his bell tomorrow!).
My family – aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, aunt-in-laws.
My friends and colleagues.
My acupuncturist.
My surgeons.
My doctors and nurses.
My counselor.
Hope.
The richness in my story.
The depths of empathy I can reach.
A transformed soul.
The Bell :: 3/26/19 :: Post 560
It’s so interesting to me that my dad got to ring the “last radiation treatment bell” just a few days before the year anniversary of my own bell-ringing.
Man, my mom and dad have been through a lot…. I am so grateful for the human capacity for resilience, grateful that my parents are strong-willed and stubborn and walk by deep faith, grateful they have modeled these things to me in my life.
While tonight I sit in deep grief over what I’ve lost because of cancer and acknowledge the reality that what’s left is forever transformed, I also trust it all deeply matters.
No Posts for 3/25/20 and 3/26/20