The cancer monster is loud in my head tonight…and it doesn’t matter how used to it I am, it is always unsettling.

*Post 1059

Period. :: 2/24/18 :: Post 174

Cancer sucks.

Dad :: 2/24/19 :: Post 530

My Dad (Step-Dad who is truly everything Dad) wrote me a letter today. It made me cry. And it made me reflect on how grateful I am that he is in my life…that he CHOSE me…that he continues to CHOOSE me…that he shows me I matter…and that my Mom matters…and that we deserve to matter.

He didn’t have to love me when he married my Mom. He didn’t have to sign on to be a parent to a snarky kid that usually was too big for her britches. He didn’t have to decide to speak greatness into me and build my confidence and draw me out of my protected little shell. He didn’t have to provide me an opportunity-rich childhood by making selfless, personal sacrifices. He didn’t have to choose me….

But he did. He gave me a chance. He invested.

The reality is that I could have had a very VERY different story. If it weren’t for the incredible strength of my mother choosing to do the hard thing because it was the best thing…the Lord bringing this man into our world…and this man deciding we are worth it…

(I shudder to think what it could have been.)

This letter he wrote me today is a treasured encouragement. Hearing him tell me how proud he is of me, how worthy I am, how valued I am, how much I matter and how much my story matters, does my soul good.

He was recently diagnosed with cancer. When I heard those words, my heart sank. My throat tightened. My gut clenched. My mind spun. No matter the type, no matter the treatment, no matter the journey, cancer is an atrocious word to have to hear. And the chaos that ensues from the moment it’s heard is unlike any other chaos. 

My sweet Dad. My sweet Mom. They don’t deserve more of this monster. 

I am grateful for this man in my life. For the model of faith, integrity, strength, resilience, selflessness and unconditional love that he consistently lives out. For the letter I will always be able to read. For the life-long legacy he has created.

Praying for his CT chest scan tomorrow…that it shows clear lungs. Lord Jesus, have mercy.

(No Post for 2/24/20)