My Annie found this quote from a book (A Little Life): “Things get broken and sometimes they get repaired, and in most cases you realize that no matter what gets damaged, life rearranges itself to compensate for your loss, sometimes wonderfully.”

Oh how I resonate. 

How does this quote land with you?

*Post 1050

Everyday :: 2/14/18 :: Post 165

Something that has been consistent throughout this whole journey is that everyday truly has its own thing. Yesterday I was feeling quite close to normal. Hopeful and happy. 

Today………….

Today was so hard. Had a homework crisis before school that made me late for work. Work was so hard. Came home to a sad kid who is having friend issues. A daughter having had surgery and another night of little sleep ahead because of a medication schedule. An exhausted husband. A tired family. 

I cried tonight….I’m so uncomfortable in my own skin. Little hair. Missing eyebrows. Thinning eyelashes. Half of a ‘boob’ (or whatever this is) and so obviously lopsided. Sore muscles. Hurting joints. Tender skin. Painful hands, nails, feet and toenails. Tired eyes. Exhausted body. 

A heavy heart tonight. 

I write all this feeling grateful that the first sentence I wrote is truth. Everyday has its own thing. Tomorrow will look different. 

What If? :: 2/14/19 :: Post 520

Thankful that my first experience with this new cancer counselor was positive. That’s a step in the right direction. 

She said something today that provided a new perspective – 

What if, instead of seeing my body and cancer as a war to battle, I would be compassionate to the part of my body that just isn’t quite working right… That I would be empathetic to my cells… That I would grant grace to the broken parts because they didn’t ask for it either…

Hmmm. That’s interesting. 

I found myself chewing on that quite a bit as I drove into work after my appointment. What if? 

I feel so angry with my body and so bitter and resentful of how it broke. I feel disconnected from it because it hurts too much to accept it. It has betrayed me. It has caused immense pain. It has forced intense loss. 

But what if?

(No post for 2/14/20)