Today is another ‘color’ day…and I’m choosing the color of “bruise.” The black and purple, sometimes green and yellow, that tell-tale color of a painful impact….an impact so hard it leaves behind a mark.
I fell down some stairs today. I’m actually not prone to falling and I keep my balance pretty well, but today, I lost my footing and took a tumble. In my already compromised body, it did NOT feel good. And this just two days after *sort-of* playing volleyball so I was already sore. I can feel every bit of this last week and I’ll need a good week to recover…
On a more figurative note, the color of ‘bruise’ is how my heart is feeling. The lasting impact of cancer treatment, the deep marks of purples and blacks and blues on my spirit… I don’t have any more energy to write more today even though there is so much to write about. My body, mind and soul need rest, the bruising too much to bear tonight. Maybe tomorrow I’ll have the brain space to expound. Maybe not.
*Post 1048
Different :: 2/12/18 :: Post 163
Today was interesting.
Had chemo. But it felt very different. I looked different. The whole routine was different.
Then I went to work and had a productive day. That felt good. Different. But good.
I hit a wall around 4. I wasn’t feeling too great. And was exhausted. It doesn’t help that I sleep like crap all of the time. I’m hoping my not feeling well is related to the exhaustion and not the chemo drugs that they say will not have any major side effects……for 95% of the people. Can I be in the majority for once!?
Time will tell. One day at a time.
Now, it’s bedtime for me as I can hardly keep my eyes open. I pray for rest tonight. I need it.
Small Victories :: 2/12/19 :: Post 518
Today brought yet another appointment. Another pre-op. More naked pictures.
Gearing up for March 1….when we try implants because radiation has made a mess of my body and we are running out of options.
Wondering if at the end of all of this, it will have been worth it. Knowing right now that I’m not ready to settle. And ultimately just hoping for the best.
Today’s appointment was rough. At first the nurses were super disorganized. Then they had given me the wrong consent and had no idea what surgery we were prepping for. I felt the anxiety rising in my gut. I felt the frustration rushing to my head. I felt the uncertainty of all of the unknowns crashing into my weary spirit.
Thankfully they all got it together and I even got the bonus of talking to my surgeon. He answered all my questions, he is confident that we will be successful, and I learned that I won’t have to have drains!
Grateful for the small victories in the midst of the seemingly unending everything.
(No Post for 2/12/20)