(And Yes, that is an Either-Or)

Today I am pressing into the practice of ‘be quiet’ and ‘be still,’ taking the opportunity to continue learning how to apply those options instead of their opposites. 

It’s interesting…hard things (like deep-heart-hard) are happening in me and around me and as I’ve typed: “I’m struggling…..” it occurs to me that the meaning of ‘struggle’ is one of the opposites to ‘be quiet’ and ‘be still.’ So, I’ve deleted and retyped and deleted it several times trying to determine what it is that I am actually feeling. Am I struggling? Or am I pressing into being quiet and still? Because this both+and doesn’t work too well. There is a contradiction, struggling and being still are incompatible with one another…both in a very literal sense and in the figurative. Okay, so if let go of struggling, but still feeling something, am I weighed down? Can I be weighed down while being quiet and still? I suppose… But even then, choosing the weight of that which I cannot control defeats the purpose of living in the truth of stillness in Him. Therein lies another incompatibility, fuzzier lines or not. So, perhaps what I am doing (aka, feeling) is, in order to ‘be quiet’ and ‘be still’ I must first acknowledge (aka, experience) the hard so I know that which I can choose – the struggle or the still. 

Parenting.
Wife-ing.
Working.
Surviving.
Friend-ing.
Investing.
Time-ing.
Believing.
Truth-ing. 
Loving.
Learning.
Applying.
Living.
Changing.
Choosing.
Grace-ing. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The struggle or the still. This is an either-or worth learning and practicing. 

Today I…
Sunday: Learned
Monday: Chose; said yes/no to
Tuesday: Loved
Wednesday: Prayed
Thursday: Was challenged by/to 
Friday: Am grateful for 
Saturday: Saw grace in

*Post 1029

6.3 :: 1/24/18 :: Post 146

It was the last day 3. 

Thank God. Cuz it was horrid. 

I have such little resolve left….I’m spent. I’m drained. 

A friend gently reminded me today that instead of “I still have at least 5 days left of this chemo hell…” it’s “I only have 5 days left of this chemo hell…”

One day closer. Jesus be with me.

My Best Me :: 1/24/19 :: Post 499

It is really hard saving my best me for my family…. 

First, I don’t really know me at the moment, so the “best” me is hard to know, too. 

Second, it takes a lot to get up and make it through the day. 

Third, evenings are progressively becoming the lowest part of my days. 

Lord, that You would hold me close and help me find my best me. 

(No Post for 1/24/20)