Today I’m choosing gratitude even if I don’t really want to. Though, not intended to be dismissive of what all I’m feeling. And that is an important caveat. I think so often we are “supposed” to focus on our gratitude so that our ‘not so good’ feelings are overshadowed or replaced or dismissed. Why? Because the ‘not so good’ feelings are dangerous. But I actually think that is backwards. It’s the ‘bright side’ or the ‘glass half full’ or the ‘silver-lining,’ when not balanced with the acknowledgment of what hurts, that is dangerous. Gratitude, without candor, is dysfunctional. That’s a pretty powerful statement, but I stand by it. 

Feeling is a gift. It has the capacity to bring richness to life. Intimacy to relationships. Empathy to experiences. Resilience to resistance. Strength to struggles. Clarity to confusion. But its capacity is hindered when we dismiss its power, when we overshadow it with hollow platitudes. 

Today, I am grateful for the ability and capacity to feel. To hurt. To feel the heaviness of suffering. To feel the peace of contentment. To feel the height of joy. I’m grateful that by acknowledging those feelings, I am perceptive and empathetic for others who are feeling. And I’m grateful that I am capable of holding both candor and gratitude, not one to replace the other, but to be together.

So, back to my original statement – Tonight I’m choosing gratitude even if I don’t want to because, man am I hurting. Yet I’m grateful for my experience in pain as it is helping me walk with someone very close to me who is also deeply hurting.

Today I…
Sunday: Learned
Monday: Chose; said yes/no to
Tuesday: Loved
Wednesday: Prayed
Thursday: Was challenged by/to 
Friday: Am grateful for 
Saturday: Saw grace in

*Post 1034

Day 8 :: 1/29/18 :: Post 151

Day 8 was rouuuuuuugh. Ugh. 

I functioned today at about a 40%…. 

I am exhausted. I feel drained. 

But I’m one day closer. Thank God.

Interesting Celebration :: 1/29/19 :: Post 504

My eyelashes were distracting a colleague today. 

While there is so much pain in other parts of my life right now (in addition to all that’s happened in the past two years), the fact that my eyelashes were long enough to distract someone while I was talking to them, is an interesting celebration. 

And one that I will readily acknowledge. 

(No Post for 1/29/20)