After a long week of a lot more physical activity than normal, I am totally feeling it today. I could hardly get out of bed and even 5 hours later (yup, “slept” in) I am still so very sluggish and drained of all energy. I’m so tired even my face feels tired.
I’m grateful for a day of literal nothing. And that is all I have for today.
Today I…
Sunday: Learned
Monday: Chose; said yes/no to
Tuesday: Loved
Wednesday: Prayed
Thursday: Was challenged by/to
Friday: Am grateful for
Saturday: Saw grace in
*Post 1020
Keep On :: 1/15/18 :: Post 137
A week from today is number 6. I am anxious, grateful, angry, relieved….. I want it to get here fast so that it can be done and over with and behind me
Today I felt pretty good. And it made me hopeful. And it reminded me that the hell of chemo won’t be forever.
I’ve walked a hard road. And I have more ahead. One foot in front of the other… keep on keeping on.
Dreadful :: 1/15/19 :: Post 490
They were not kidding about these side effects. I feel dreadful.
Today was hard.
And I met my plastic surgeon this morning and we discussed our last options.
Some hard realities to accept…….some new normals to endure.
It’s difficult to see the expert struggle with frustration because the options are limited. It’s hard to hear the expert saying he’ll try a few last techniques before settling. It’s hard to accept that I will not likely achieve the result I want and at some point I’ll have to settle, also. We basically have 2 surgeries left to get as close as we can. After that, we either take a looooooong break and try again in a few years or we call it quits with whatever it is.
Bottom line – no clear path, more difficult decisions, more uncertainty of outcomes, more wishing I had a crystal ball but instead having to blindly trust it will be as it should be.
More hard.
Closure :: 1/15/20 :: Post 844
I had my 6-week post op today with Dr. Williams… We had a good conversation, things are healing well and we have a good plan for going forward. He talked to me about things to keep an eye on and how to make sure I remain healthy on “this side” of reconstruction. I’ll see him again in October or November to determine a long-term (7-10 year) plan.
Seven to ten…years…
Weird.
Closure is a strange thing… I left his office crying today, sad that I won’t see them again for 10-11 months. I’ve been put back together by this team of people, they have been with me through the most difficult time of my life, they have seen me at my most vulnerable (literally) more times than I have fingers and toes to count on, they have cut me open and sewn me back up, they have been forever seared into my memories and into my heart. I am so grateful for them.
Ashley at the front desk said, “It’s kind of like a break-up…it sad for us to see our patients go.”
Nurse Sue gave me a big hug as she reminisced our first meeting… “I remember the first day we talked right over there in that room 1…I can’t remember all of my patients, but I remember you. Like it was yesterday…”
Dr. Williams said he may even go into his own withdrawals. I mean, I’ve seen him every 6-8 weeks over the past 2 and a half years… And then we looked at a before and after picture. Whoa.
So, while we are all celebrating this juncture because we made it and we’re all very pleased with how far we’ve come and it is absolutely worth celebrating, there is a sadness that comes with it, as well. Some people might think I’m crazy and I’ll let them think that, but I will miss seeing those amazing people who cared for me and loved me so incredibly well.
It’s weird to think 10 years down the line when it is time to change out these implants…