In light of yesterday’s post…true surrender doesn’t mean you give everything up and get nothing back. I think that is why people struggle so much with the idea of it. They think that surrendering means they are left with nothing, that they are weakened by being emptied, that to give up control is to give up strength. 

What if you changed the way you think of surrender. . . and even considered nothing, something.

*Post 988

(I didn’t have the strength to write on 12/14/17. Chemo is hard.)

Funk :: 12/14/18 :: Post 458

Boy was I in a funk today…………

Originally I thought it had to do with a tough work week. Then I thought maybe it was how the last 2 years have been difficult on my relationships. Then I thought it was simply because I was tired.

And while it’s probably all of those things to a degree, it actually occurred to me that it’s more likely that I am subconsciously preoccupied with my upcoming surgery. 

I’m just getting to a point where I’m sleeping pretty well, I’m finding a bit of a rhythm, I’m in less pain and I’m not in a full body compression suit…

…..ugh, all things that will soon change. 

I’m grateful for a surgeon who is willing to do what it takes. I’m grateful for this brilliant science. I’m grateful I have this option. It’s dreadfully hard, but I’m grateful nonetheless.

Living Changed Head to Toe Day 14 :: 12/14/19 :: Post 822

I’ve written a lot about what I ‘hold’… about how I hold the trauma of cancer. And the devastation. And the pain and anguish and the loss and grief. About how I hold hope for what I can’t yet see and about the gratitude for the transformation in my life.

I also hold a different perspective now because of what I am enduring…specifically the temporary nature of things – both good and bad. So…I know I can endure hard moments because there is an end (even if it is heaven) and I know I need to live fully into all of the good moments because those come to an end, too. And because of this perspective, I live changed. I choose differently. I love deeper. I trust authentically. 

And I hold new priorities and understand the significance of the space between the memory and the what if. 

Living changed, head to toe, day 14 – my hands and what they ‘hold’…heavy. Vital. Transformative.