Have you ever been to the total end of yourself? Sometimes it’s in our brightest moment… And sometimes it’s in our darkest tragedy…

What did you find there?

*Post 962

3.2 :: 11/21/17 :: Post 85

Today was rough. It’s only day 2…..

I’m discouraged and very sad. So far the interventions aren’t seeming to help. But it’s only day 2….

I am weary of the battle. I’m tired of fighting. I have such a long road ahead. And it’s only day 2.

I don’t have anything left tonight…..

This Year :: 11/21/18 :: Post 434

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. This year it’s gonna look much different than last.

And grateful to be here for this one.

Gratitude Month Day 21 :: 11/21/19 :: Post 797

I was in bad shape two years ago. Chemo is known for having a cumulative effect and by day 2 of round 3, I was s t r u g g l i n g. And fully aware of the extremely long road I had ahead of me. I was discouraged and weary.

Last year I was a day away from celebrating Thanksgiving…and I was so excited because I was going to be able to celebrate it very differently than the year before. Interesting what a year will bring…

This year, today, I am feeling a lot of things. I am hopeful. I am joyful. I am alive. I am weary. I am hurting. I am uncertain. I had two doctor appointments today. One with my radiation oncologist and one with my eye doctor. Dr. Dorn was pleased to see me and spent significant time just catching up with me. It was such a gift of her time. And she ordered labs to check my thyroid because she wants to rule some things out. And the best part – I don’t need to see her again for a whole year. In the cancer world, that is a win for sure. And then I had my eye doctor appointment this afternoon. I’ve been having some difficulties with my eyes, and, well, because I’m walking the road I’m walking, in my mind everything is connected and always brings with it the possibility of recurrence. Anyways, I told my doc what my symptoms have been and I also mentioned to him that my oncologist is concerned I have RA. Turns out, RA can have an impact on eye health. Who knew?! And it turns out that my symptoms align pretty perfectly. Great. I haven’t yet been officially diagnosed but more and more dots are connecting with each day that goes by. And all the while, sitting in the exam chair, my hip and knee joints were screaming at me a little more than usual. So much so that it was actually distracting.

All that said, the second I got in my car to drive home, I was struck by a thought: Gratitude Month Day 21 – “Lord, thank you that I have good doctors. Thank you that they advocate for me. Thank you that I can see…that the anatomy and structure of my eyes are perfectly healthy despite the symptoms I’m having. And thank you for small steps forward.”